Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Cooking with the Nimwit

Makin Stucco, originally uploaded by Sabine Dukes.

Here is a great recipe for disaster:

1 freeride bike with whopping big tires. The less clearance for the tire the better.

1 Nasty steep fireroad

2 day old cow mud

7,000,000 tons of recently poured base rock

You can substitute the disk brakes for Vbrakes. But today's recipe calls for disk brakes.

MIx the first three ingredients really well at the beginning of your ride. You'll know you got the mixture just right when the sticky old mud jams in your seatstays and stops the wheel from rolling. Be sure to try and spin just a few more pedal strokes anyway just to prove to absolutely no one how fuckin strong you are.

Once you are finally forced off the bike, walk your bike to where the road is covered in freshly laid gravel.

Proceed to try to ride again. It helps to remain seated and have low tire pressure. Done correctly, the rocks will stick to the mud and form a nice layer of stucco over your tires. You should not be able to pluck off the stucco with a stick or a multi-tool.

Your bike should weigh about 63 pounds at this point. If so, continue to try and pedal because its your only damn lunch hour and you are not got to waste it dammit.



At 6:42 PM, February 05, 2008, Blogger Ippoc Amic said...

looks like almond roca

At 8:39 PM, February 05, 2008, Blogger Sacwheelgirl said...

Yummy. Ha!

At 9:31 AM, February 06, 2008, Blogger chatterbox said...

you bring new meaning to the term 'resistance training'!

At 10:55 AM, February 06, 2008, Blogger erein said...

Rock and roll!! Hee, get it? Rock 'cause there are rocks? And roll...okay, nevermind.

At 5:56 PM, February 06, 2008, Blogger twinkiepatissier said...

hmmm...sounds familiar.

please add this to the recipe:

once you stud it out and gain enough centrifugal force, make sure to keep your chin up and mouth shut.

the faster you go, less shit to clean later -- speed is your friend.

At 6:55 PM, February 06, 2008, Blogger teamwelliver said...

Hey at least you stayed on a road this time. That doesn't look like meadow on your tires.

At 8:56 PM, February 08, 2008, Blogger X Bunny said...

i keep getting hungry every time i look at this!


Post a Comment

<< Home