Friday, May 09, 2008

Existst,,,wha huh?

Into the Grassy Sea, originally uploaded by Sabine Dukes.

I am having one of those days where i think too much. And maybe blogging will make it stop.

You ever have a moment where you are slapped with such clarity of thought, that it threatens to just make you implode or something?

So, I was walking in to work, when I spotted a little bird gathering up twiggly things for its nest. And I made some kind of comment to the bird about how it looks like were are both going to work. The bird flew off with its twigglies and I opened the door to our offices.

And the receptionist said hello and then BAM it just hit me.

What the F am I doing? What the F are any of us doing? Life is so fleeting and we humans burn it up doing these strange tasks and getting all pent up about minutae of stuff, that when you put it into universal persepctive, is laughably inconsequential.

The little birdy has it easy. Eat to be strong enough to have sex and make nests and feed little birdys. Not that I think we should just hang out and eat and have sex all day....(Do I smell a new religion?).

But we have the amazing power of awareness of our situation (religious beliefs notwithstanding) and what do we do with that awareness? We put staples in papers and file them in drawers and wash our windows and collect little spoons from tourist shops.

It just seems so....flat. And I don't mean that we should all go out and devote ourselves to some cause, because even that kind of stuff is "meh" in the scope of the universe.

Maybe this is philosophical crap that people without kids engage in. Maybe we are so wired to populate, that when we don't, some part of our brain is sort of freaked out by our lack of purpose.

Maybe that explains my opossum dream last night.

I dreamt that I rescued this really dirty and ugly (is there any other kind) opossum. And it became all domesticated and a pet like a cat or something. But I was a little embarrased that my cat was a dirty opossum. And then it sort of morphed into a baby, but it was still an opossum. I was trying to convince these other people that it was totally cool to have a dirty opossum instead of a baby, when the opossum peed all over me.

But I am digressing.

And hungry. I think someone brought in bagels.


At 2:04 PM, May 09, 2008, Blogger Ippoc Amic said...

my comment disappeared...

2nd part-your dirty, stinky, peeing baby sound like a cross betweeen minnie & daisy...

what happened to my first comment????

At 3:44 PM, May 09, 2008, Blogger lauren said...

people with kids think about this stuff too.

i wonder it all the time now, having so much time to myself to think.

it's why i think i'm having a hard time finding a job. i just don't want to go back to stapling papers for meetings where we talk about selling xyz and how to sucker more people into buying it.

or getting yelled at by some bi-polar boss about the oatmeal bowl i left on my desk.

where is the meaning? why am i here?

where is the vodka?

i need some bacon.

At 4:05 PM, May 09, 2008, Blogger Ippoc Amic said...

my comment lost was about how those
purpose thoughts
morph into meaningless unending infinity thoughts and then I need a few tap taps

At 4:09 PM, May 09, 2008, Blogger Velo Bella said...

ippoc - I played with the kitties a lot before i went to bed. I think it warped me.

And yes, there is no resolution to those thoughts, no perfect answer. Well, there is an answer, but not one we want to hear. Whioh is why religion is so popular as it presents a hopeful (but in my opinion, mythical) alternative.

lauren - I know. Sometimes it hurts to think about it.

And if I eat pancetta, its like eating bacon, without feeling guilty.

At 4:24 PM, May 09, 2008, Blogger teamwelliver said...

how ugly was your baby if it morphed from an opossum?

At 10:58 PM, May 09, 2008, Blogger Miss Mary said...

i miss your random conversational topics...

even though this one isn't so random...

At 8:05 AM, May 10, 2008, Blogger marscat said...

my job history is so sketchy because i had these thoughts all the time and would just up and quit....

but now i can't afford to do that.

At 6:13 PM, May 23, 2008, Blogger ark said...

I just found your blog, coming over from the pic of you and your cats and dawg. Hope your house is o.k. and everyone is safe.

But this post made me want to stay and keep reading! love the writing.

Your dream reminds me of This Picture.

Having kids has made me want to do MUCH less work and MUCH more time with family, however it's also made it MUCH more urgent to do work and support everyone. People who think about this sort of thing are much more interesting.

Keep blogging!


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