Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Deer Squat

Deer squat.

Did you know that? Because I sure didn't and I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it for myself this morning.

I was amusing myself on the commute this morning by adoring the gorgeous clear day. I looked out into a big grassy field somewhere in the pastoral lands between Morgan Hill and Gilroy...when I noticed a bunch of deer in the field.

"Awwww", I thought, "Look at all those deer... how cute. With the sunshiney morning light and the bright green.....hey...what are those deer doing?"

About 4 of the deer were squatting. And I couldn't tell if they were doing #1 or #2, but they were definitely relieving themselves cuz they had that look on their faces that cats get when you watch them use the litter box.

And I still don't know why they were all going at the same time. Probably all girl deers.

Wish I would have stopped to take a picture because the google image search on this was pretty scarce.

I have no idea why this amuses me. What a ridicuous blog post.

16 Comments:

At 9:40 AM, January 24, 2006, Blogger nicknameless said...

Just goes to show that the idea that deer don't know squat is a fallacy.

Thats a pic to hang in the lav for pondering

 
At 10:28 AM, January 24, 2006, Blogger nicknameless said...

that's quite the natural bidet the deer has goin there...or maybe he just has a super hot ass

 
At 10:43 AM, January 24, 2006, Blogger Velo Bella said...

I've had a thing these past few days for super hot asses it seems

 
At 10:58 AM, January 24, 2006, Blogger nicknameless said...

mmmm...me tooo. Thx for the pics..

 
At 11:01 AM, January 24, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you people sure are dorky

 
At 11:03 AM, January 24, 2006, Blogger nicknameless said...

why thankyou anon!

 
At 11:37 AM, January 24, 2006, Blogger Olaf Vanderhoot said...

reminds me of a time i was in cuba bike racing (don't ask) ... i got bad, waaay bad food poisoning in a town called Cienfuegos during one of the stage races (yeah ... the town of '100 fires' ... that's some bootron irony, baby).

This sports doc (i'm assuming it was a doc), examined me with a chosen non-english tongue and after a few minutes of squinting eyes and latino charades, handed me one of those single serving aspirin bottles you buy for $3.95 at the airport.

His gestures and emphasis made me understand i was to provide a ... sample.

"Numero dos?"

i wanted confirmation. Nothing as embarrassing as providing the wrong sample.

Unfortunately, he was asking for a sample during the 20 hours of the day that there was no water flowing in the sports facility we were staying at.

... literally, no water except between 7am - 9am.

stinky.

So anyway, without a bathroom to hide in (didn't matter, i had already destroyed the dorm room bathroom the night before ... i mean, destroyed ... hurlings and rear explosions all frickin night long after a 120 mile stage ... i was a strained, stained, ugly little piece of forgotten beef jerkey), i dragged my emaciated, dehydrated, unrecovered butt out to the jungles that bordered the sporting complex like a chaotic advance of an invading fungus.

I struggled out as best i could to find a quiet moment and place of tranquility for my sample production.

5 minutes of squatty-squatty yielded nothing but shaky legs and bulging veins in the forehead.

10 minute after that, and i was risking blowing a gasket into unconsciousness from the struggle to pass out an anemic little lump of 'Hi-dee-ho, everybody!'

As i was in ... mid-excrementus, up walks some local yokal, in full cubano field worker flair.

Of course, first it was hearing him that was the poo-mood breaker - causing me a sigh of, 'oh, what the hell next?'

I just looked over at him mid-poodle production ... waiting for the punch line to drop, espanol or not.

It's then i noticed, this dude is carrying, no lie, an empty bird cage in his right hand. He's trucking through the cubano woodsey-woodseys, pampering and balancing a brightly-shiny empty birdcage as if it's got the imaginary goose laying golden right then and there.

He was this a dark, thin, aged man - wind carved by the carribean tropicals and sun-burned by the evil wages of colonial residue.

He took one look at me, dead pan-like, and nodded a greeting without breaking his jungle pace. It was done with more dignity and calm than 99% of the aMErican men i've ever come in shouting distance of would have produced.

amazing.

---

thanks for the squat.
m

 
At 11:44 AM, January 24, 2006, Blogger X Bunny said...

squats or hurls, you seem to have the extreme explosion stories covered, oV

i'd think you made them up but....no...there's too much real there

 
At 11:46 AM, January 24, 2006, Blogger Olaf Vanderhoot said...

me ... write fiction?

never.
~

 
At 11:51 AM, January 24, 2006, Blogger PAB said...

And VB thought this was a rediculous blog post! I knew there was potential....

You people crack me up!

blogs = good idea.

 
At 12:00 PM, January 24, 2006, Blogger X Bunny said...

diarrhea and vomit always make him laugh

pab is a man of culture

 
At 12:12 PM, January 24, 2006, Blogger Velo Bella said...

Finally. I have been waiting for this ditty for some time now.

I was a strained, stained, ugly little piece of forgotten beef jerkey

anemic little lump of 'Hi-dee-ho, everybody!'

poo-mood breaker

mid-poodle production

sun-burned by the evil wages of colonial residue.

all juicy yummy writing, even if the subject is not.

 
At 8:43 AM, January 26, 2006, Blogger Velo Bella said...

No squatting deer sightings this morning.

bummer

 
At 10:10 AM, January 26, 2006, Blogger Olaf Vanderhoot said...

there's always tomorrow ...

yes.

 
At 10:36 AM, January 26, 2006, Blogger Velo Bella said...

I'll be thinking of other things tomorrow morning

 
At 11:58 AM, January 26, 2006, Blogger Olaf Vanderhoot said...

yummy

 

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