Friday, May 25, 2007

I am Miss Kitty


I confess.

I have done things which I now regret and which I wouldn't do again. But it was just this one time. And I didn't intend to. And its someone else's fault but I take full responsibility.

Its just that Velo Bella management puts so much pressure on us for the wins. BAR points is all they care about. (Or is it BAT points?) We have families, lives, remodeling projects, margarita nights...but none of that matters.

The only thing that matters is beating Velo Girls in the BAR competition.

I am not going to name names, because this is my confession. I will just call her "Sienna". "Sienna" was the lynchpin of the BAT points operation. She was always there, with her perfectly cut apples and watermelon and hard boiled eggs in their perfect little tupperware. Day after day, no matter how long the stage, she had everything all perfect.

Too perfect.

No one can be that perfect. Not day after day. Eventually, the body breaks down, gives up, wants to sleep in, walk around the house with bedhead and wear fuzzy slippers. But not "Sienna". As the race grew on, she grew stronger. She even made cheese tortellini for crying out loud.



It was too much. I cracked under the pressure.

So, on the last stage I did not have oatmeal, or a bagel, like the rest of the team.

I had a...

{gulp}

Pop Tart

{exhale}

A ...this is very hard for me.....

....frosted strawberry pop tart.

But I did not toast it, and even though there are two to a package, I limited myself to one. And I didn't eat the dry corners. Oh, but the frosted part in the middle was so very good. And it gave me the wings I needed to win the stage and clinch the overall for the team.

And for one day, I finally got the glory. But...at what price?



My handmade Liebold award with the little trees and the teeny padlock glued to the wood is in a box at home, you can come and collect it. What matters to me are my memories.

22 Comments:

At 10:40 AM, May 25, 2007, Blogger Olaf Vanderhoot said...

bwaahaahahahaaa ...

bravo, lil' miss satire

 
At 10:51 AM, May 25, 2007, Blogger Brent said...

I think you should give up your trophy and send me some pop tarts.

 
At 10:58 AM, May 25, 2007, Blogger Flandria said...

ha ha!

 
At 10:58 AM, May 25, 2007, Blogger VeloRainDog said...

the secret's in the frosty middle. who knew?

nice!

 
At 11:01 AM, May 25, 2007, Blogger Miss Mary said...

personally, i like go tarts, i'm sure others will agree with me.

(ps, friday & saturday I only had a go tart for breakfast & lunch)

I think we've stumbled on something here.

and thank you...

 
At 11:21 AM, May 25, 2007, Blogger Miss Mary said...

Oh and my other pet’s names were/are:

Tippy (black poodle pup)
Kalica (calico cat)
Can’t Remember His Name (Black cat)
MeiMei (Tortishell cat)

 
At 12:22 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger T. Marie said...

this went totally over my head when I read it before.

but I just made a little visit to cyclingnews.

and I was cracking up reading about poor Bjarne.

 
At 1:18 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger meh-wee-uhn said...

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 
At 1:42 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger CyclistRick said...

Are you taking on the title '2ueen Riis' or 'Bjarne Bella'?

 
At 1:54 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger Olaf Vanderhoot said...

snort

 
At 2:06 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger velogirl said...

bah!

 
At 2:23 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger jeninsb said...

Ha!

Brilliant, my friend, brilliant.

;-)

 
At 2:24 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger Velo Bella said...

I should get bonus points for finding the religious pop tart

 
At 2:40 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger X Bunny said...

i didn't eat any poptarts, but after the 2 last stages at kern i had....

.....chocolate pudding cups

i would have never thought of how much extra recovery i would get from them if sienna hadn't put them out conspicuously after stage 3

 
At 4:35 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger Kimberly (aka. DrKim) said...

The satire is fabulous!

BUT

YOU FIGURED OUT MY SECRET WEAPON! I suppose anyone who raced with me in the final RR at Kern would have seen, that after I downed the supposedly necessary 3 icky gu's, I ate a POPTART in the race! Mine, too, was the frosted strawberry kind...mmmmm

and I ate the dry corners, too.

 
At 4:59 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger CyclistRick said...

Bonus points for the religious pop-tart? Why bother, just auction it on EBay. Hey, if an old, dried grilled cheese can fetch enough to buy a fleet of new bikes, a pop-tart should bring in unimaginable wealth.

 
At 8:39 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger Lilly Bella said...

I'll try not to judge...
instead I wrote a prayer for you,

Hail Mary full of enriched flour, hgh furctose and sodium pyrophospate

blessed art thou among women
and blessed is the fruit of thy pop tart

Hey old Mary Hallowed is thy name
pray for Miss Kitty while she hides her Kern award in shame

Kneel and say that 10 times and I'm sure you'll be forgiven.

 
At 11:33 PM, May 25, 2007, Blogger PAB(a.k.a.CID) said...

fess up lilly....

i saw pop tart crumbs on your tiara...

 
At 9:23 AM, May 26, 2007, Blogger Wild Dingo said...

Duh! EVERYONE knows that pop tarts make you win! Oh my goodness, congratulations VB. I'm just now catching up on news. There's something magical about Kern. Doesn't matter if your thing is track or crits or "not climbing," going to Kern is redeeming, cleansing, cathartic-- for every woman bike racer. And victory at Kern? Just. I'm all verkhlempt thinking about it. Brings a tear to my eye. Congratulations on your well-deserved, hard working (no doubt), victory. and who care's about BARS or BATS? what do they have to do with homemade trophies. nada.

 
At 7:49 PM, May 26, 2007, Blogger jeninsb said...

"Hail Mary full of enriched flour..."

BWHAHAHAHA!

I'm all about blueberry.

I used the blueberry poptarts from 1996-1999. I stopped for a while, because I feared I would turn blue. But then, in 2000, I started using the poptarts again. If you want to take my results back, you can come and get them.

 
At 12:29 PM, May 28, 2007, Blogger Ippoc Amic said...

back from car camping in the parking lot of the Paso Robles fairgrounds...just want to say that eating pop tarts was part of the culture, now who was your soigner? "Emma"

 
At 7:22 AM, May 29, 2007, Blogger marscat said...

hee-hee. Go Tart!

 

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