Squish, Splash, Smoosh.

Or is smoosh spelled shmoosh?

The Squish
Yesterday was the day I rode over stuff. I rode over everything. Just rode right over it. Log? Ride over it. Rock? Ride over it. Curb? Ride over it. If it was in my way I just rode over it. The ride over shit ride.

God damn it was fun.

I thought the Dawg would help teach me some skillz. But I don't think I am learning any skillz here. No skillz are required in riding over shit.

The bike does all the work. Really. I just sit there and pedal. I don't pick a line, or lift my front wheel or shift my weight or modulate the brake, hell, I probably don't even have to look where I am going if I don't feel like it.

The Splash
And its that kind of attitude thats going to get me in trouble. I have already found myself in mini-trouble a couple of times. Once I got all over cocky about riding over logs and I tried to ride over a wet log at a 45 degree angle. I don't normally ride over logs, so I didn't know that this is a bad thing.

I fell into a puddle. That was a bummer. But it was still better than getting my boobs smooshed.

The Smoosh
I had my first mammogram yesterday. I really didn't think about the date when I scheduled it, but let me tell you, scheduling it the day before your period (guys this is where you can tune out)starts is not a good idea.

They take your boob, put a really unattractive pastie (is there a more medical term for this?) on the nipple, and plop (okay, my boob didn't really plop, but I would imagine that larger boobs would plop)the boob on a shelf attached to a big old machine.

But thats not all. There's more.

I once had a pressed flower kit as a kid. Now I know how those flowers felt.

While your boob is plopped on the shelf, another shelf comes down on top of it. And the Xray tech starts clamping it down tight. And just when you think they can't possibly clamp down any more, they clamp down some more. Fortunately your head is turned so you can't see what yor boob looks like smooshed back into two dimensions.

Then they xray tech tells you not to move. Like, where am I gonna go?

Then they do the same thing in the other direction. But that didn't hurt as bad for some reason. Maybe because all the blood had already been smooshed out of my boob.

And then they do the other boob. But by then, I was glazed over and delirious and don't remember much and it was over pretty fast.

Then the tech told me to get dressed and she reminded me to take off my pasties. (she called them pasties). If I wasn't so busy trying to pop my boobs back into shape I might have remembered that. Instead I rode over shit with pasties on.