Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Give up the Funk

To a certain B group rider at the San Jose Twilight crits....please do not wear your jersey without washing it first. Letting it sit in the car all week, crusted up from the last Tuesday Twilight, and then putting it on again, is oh so incredibly wrong.

Its very hard to breathe in that workout (oh, and yeah, its a workout not a real race, but thats another blog) what with the smog and the working hard and all. Each breath of air is deep and precious. When I am maxed out on that hill, the last thing I need is a big gulp of funk.

Now, I am no funk sissy. Being in sports for so long, you get used to men working out smells. I was a gym rat and an intramural hockey player, so I know funk. (Egaads, hockey players are the worst. Gym rats actually aren't bad because most of them are pretty vain, but hockey players make an art out of funknasty)So anyhoo, I can handle a little funk, but last night's funk was soooo bad, I truly had to hold my breath at times, which is not the best way to ride a crit.

But it did get me to thinking about stinky cyclists in general. And I came up with a top ten list of the funkiest cyclists. Some of these are based on my actual knowledge, and some are based on my imagination...

10. Sean Eadie
Who knows thats going on in that big nasty beard

9. Ludo Dierckxsens
He seems like he just eats, sleeps, trains and everything else is just a bother.

8. Team Rwanda
I know, I'm a total bitch for picking on that team what with its altruistic mission and everything Rwanda has been through...but dayamn..them boys are steenky.

7. Roberto Gaggioli
Oh, you just know it.

6. Santiago Botero
Stage racers should not have that much body hair.

5. Alexi Grewal
Just so I can get bonus points for posting this picture

4. The dude in the B group at the San Jose Twilight Crit last night

3. Steve Tilford
Steve acts like he only has two jerseys in his entire wardrobe

2. Anyone racing RAAM solo

1. Jeannie Longo
She may have scrubbed my toilet, but....


At 5:59 PM, June 20, 2007, Blogger ginmtb said...

Is that dude with the yellow helmet the freakin' Unibiker? Might be some creatures livin' in there...

At 6:29 PM, June 20, 2007, Blogger Olaf Vanderhoot said...


At 6:50 PM, June 20, 2007, Blogger russellp said...

I'm thinkin': what better motivation to ride at the front of the group?

I remember being stuck in a seat between stinky rowers. While technically I could've escaped by jumping overboard, that's not looked upon highly.

Visited the crit last night, but too late to say a decent hi. I just may join in the fun, when I don't have to ride home after.

At 8:31 PM, June 20, 2007, Blogger T. Marie said...

aHAHAHAHAHAHA wonderfulness

At 9:56 PM, June 20, 2007, Blogger Lyne said...


my friend actually brings orange 'essence' to our spin class due to the same problem.

At 7:39 AM, June 21, 2007, Blogger Flandria said...

did you let that person know?

At 8:50 AM, June 21, 2007, Blogger marscat said...

you hit it right on the, under the armpit

perhaps another post about bike racers with scraggly beards?

At 9:32 AM, June 21, 2007, Blogger Grey said...

I was once told I stunk.

By Peanut.

It almost hurt my feelings.

Here's the almost daily dilemma: it's late afternoon/evening and you've got a bit of day funk goin'; you're headed out to do a group ride (or, as is often the case for me, a yoga class); you know you're gonna sweat a bunch...why shower before when you're gonna shower after?

whadya do? get "euro" with the cologne? seems like a waste of cologne.

another thing i've discovered is that some people are way more sensitive to smell than me. learning this has made me constantly paranoid.

enough about me: totally agree about botero. your team probly spends a gazillion getting you aero-d out for a grand tour? SHAVE YOUR ARMS!!

(i bet he's one of those guys who has ridiculous "hair shorts" under the lycra)

At 9:53 AM, June 21, 2007, Blogger Velo Bella said...

gin - thats Sean Eadie, who has been in and out of doping trouble most of his career

russell - I thought I saw you there on the sidelines, but I was soooo out of it after the finish that I forgot to go back and look. Yes, join in the fun. But bring a clean jersey.

flandria - yes I did. In this post.

grey - as long as you have clean cycling gear, you shouldn't have funk. Its usually the dirty gear that causes the major funk. Dirty gear on top of a dirty body even more so. But if you are feeling funky, throw on a little deodorant. Or, orange essence! And that sure sounds like something Peanut would do.

At 11:02 AM, June 21, 2007, Blogger bbElf (a.k.a. panda) said...

I was so afraid to read that list...I'm constantly paranoid about funkystink.

At 1:48 PM, June 21, 2007, Blogger PAB(a.k.a.CID) said...

i stink therefore i am....

At 9:50 PM, June 24, 2007, Blogger McSassy said...

I have a funky beard :(



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