Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Racing is easier

I haven't been in the real world for a while, but I gotta know, has it always been this complicated?

I thought, well, now that I am not training, I can get a few long ignored things done on the weekends.

One of those things was the bats, and the other was the baby.

~~The bats.

I literally have bats in my belfry. (is that how you spell belfry? It looks weird, like a Tacobell menu item) So, yeah, I have bats under the fascia (allow me to impress you with my construction vocabulary)thingie of my house.

I like the bats. They fly out each evening and it looks so cool watching them emerge one by one and head off for a night of mosquito eating.

But they poop. A lot. And all over my lovely little rear deck right next to the table where we would eat if there were not bat poop all over it.

And I guess its not really called poop, but guano. I don't know specifically when poop officially becomes guano, but if you are going to research this, you will have to google "guano" and not poop.

So the poop is by the table and thats pretty gross. I once had a Terminex contract but they wouldn't take care of the bats and then racing started and I didn't have time to sit outside on my deck so it didn't matter.

But now that I am going to spend lazy weekends at home sitting on my deck watching Michael weed in his skirt, it matters. I am thinking I can just call up some kind of professional bat person and take care of it this weekend.

So I google "bat removal" and this is what I learned:

Its guano and not poop
Guano is nasty and can cause some kind of nasty lung disease
Bats carry rabies
Bat are good
Bat guano can be harvested for use as a fertilizer, especially popular in hydroponics
Bats are in indicator of the health of your environment (bats = healthy as they don't tolerate pollution)
A single bat can eat over 3,000 mosquitos every night
Bat removal should not be attempted in mid summer because babies can't fly yet
You should put up a few bat houses (yes, bat houses) a few weeks before removal so the bats have a place to go
You have to make an exit only escape hatch thingie that allows bats out but not in and leave it there for several weeks before making something permanent
You have to check for poop damage in their nesting site

ummm...yeah, like all of that is going to happen.

I think I will sit on the front porch for a while.

~~The baby.

Speaking of poop, my friend just had a baby. I didn't go to her baby shower because I was busy. I am always too busy for baby showers by the way. Always. But I still want to get the little pooper something.

They opened up a new Mega Target here in Morgan Hill, and I head over there at lunch to find some kind of little baby present offering.

This Target is HUUUUGE. It looks like all other targets, just HUUUUGE. Big red bulleyes everywhere and red cement balls in the parking lot. And Starbucks, and Pizza Hut and a wine section that kept me distracted for a little bit.

I finally find the baby section and it is, I am not kidding, about 10 aisles. T-E-N. All baby, not children, not toddler, but babies. There were probably about 50 different baby pusher carts and a whole section devoted to nothing but bottle brushes. A whole section on something I didn't know you needed.

I thought you just got a few shoes, blankies, diapers, shaky toys and those cute little one piece pajama outfits and called it a baby. I was paralyzed by the all the options in front of me.

So I headed back over to the wine. We were out of red anyway.


At 12:27 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger Olaf Vanderhoot said...

so, so good

At 12:28 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger PAB(a.k.a.CID) said...

hey, can we come over and help you watch michael pull weeds in his skirt one weekend?

At 12:48 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger Lilly Bella said...

give your friends a baby bat.

How about a book? Stellaluna

I have a friend who nurished one to health and made it a pet.

I like bats, We'll help build you that bat house. Bats are cool gentle animals.

If you were going to exterminate them...I would have to go camp at your belfry.

While mikey weeds he can fertilize the garden with guano.

At 12:54 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger marscat said...

guano...sounds like something from Jamba Juice.

At 1:32 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger lauren said...

get them a baby backpack thing.

so they can go hiking and walking with the baby in the back. that thing is a life saver.

At 1:43 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger velogirl said...

a baby backpack for the bats? I'm so confused.

a bf had a summer house on wellsley island in the 1,000 islands. the entire island was infested with bats -- everywhere -- in all the walls. it was a big old house and bats just hanging out on the walls in the evening was a common site. I didn't marry him because of the bats (and his creepy mother).

At 1:59 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger Velo Bella said...

Guano Berry Splash!

At 4:23 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger Little_Jewford said...

hip baby/mommy products = Best of Everything in SC or of course the coveted Vanderkitten onesy....

"guano...sounds like something from Jamba Juice."

thats one nasty boost.....but bats do rock, I miss my old rental where I could sit in back yard on a Aug evening and not be touched by a bug...the bats were munchin them down

At 4:32 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger Erein said...

No fair. You get bats to eat your bugs. We have *shudder* spiders.

At 5:24 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger Ippoc Amic said...

aren't bats blind?

At 7:02 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger Grey said...

today i bought wine on my lunch break. now i feel really good about that...like i didn't waste any time in a state of that horribly overwhelming consumer anxiety--weighing how appropriate the gesture of buying some baby thing is vs. knowing the baby doesn't really care and probably has 4 too many rattles already. just went to a wine shop, said hi to my friend, bought wine and was on my way.

does michael take the helmet flower and put it over his ear or something when he weeds in his skirt? cute little hippy.

At 7:12 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger jeninsb said...

A super target? Ack.

I can't even make it through a normal one. My widdle wegs get so tired.

At 7:17 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger CyclistRick said...

long ago, in a life far, far away I was a field biologist ... and my area of specialization was Chiropteran (bat) biology. Probably worked with whomever wrote all the stuff you read .

There is a caveat: blocking them out may not solve your guano problem. They may be using that area as a night roost, too, a place they hang around and rest between meals on their nightly ventures. You may need to make it difficult for them to hang up in that area after you get the entry blocked.

At 9:22 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger Velo Bella said...

I wish I could potty train the bats

And Laura, I found some bat houses on line so we dont have to actually make any. Which is good, because they would end up all crazy and pink and fluffy probably

At 7:21 AM, August 03, 2007, Blogger suenago said...

Done with racing?? shoot...isan't the season just starting?

At 9:10 AM, August 03, 2007, Blogger chatterbox said...

vb - this is hilarious. So, I suggest you hire someone to clean your guano off every Friday. You can harvest it and sell it to some hydroponic 'horticulturalists' in your neighborhood (hey, it's the SC mountains...you know they're there). It could be cash-neutral, and you can keep your mosquito eaters.

for the baby....gift certificates are always good. Let the momma be inundated with options!


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