Racing is easier

I haven't been in the real world for a while, but I gotta know, has it always been this complicated?

I thought, well, now that I am not training, I can get a few long ignored things done on the weekends.

One of those things was the bats, and the other was the baby.

~~The bats.

I literally have bats in my belfry. (is that how you spell belfry? It looks weird, like a Tacobell menu item) So, yeah, I have bats under the fascia (allow me to impress you with my construction vocabulary)thingie of my house.

I like the bats. They fly out each evening and it looks so cool watching them emerge one by one and head off for a night of mosquito eating.

But they poop. A lot. And all over my lovely little rear deck right next to the table where we would eat if there were not bat poop all over it.

And I guess its not really called poop, but guano. I don't know specifically when poop officially becomes guano, but if you are going to research this, you will have to google "guano" and not poop.

So the poop is by the table and thats pretty gross. I once had a Terminex contract but they wouldn't take care of the bats and then racing started and I didn't have time to sit outside on my deck so it didn't matter.

But now that I am going to spend lazy weekends at home sitting on my deck watching Michael weed in his skirt, it matters. I am thinking I can just call up some kind of professional bat person and take care of it this weekend.

So I google "bat removal" and this is what I learned:

Its guano and not poop
Guano is nasty and can cause some kind of nasty lung disease
Bats carry rabies
Bat are good
Bat guano can be harvested for use as a fertilizer, especially popular in hydroponics
Bats are in indicator of the health of your environment (bats = healthy as they don't tolerate pollution)
A single bat can eat over 3,000 mosquitos every night
Bat removal should not be attempted in mid summer because babies can't fly yet
You should put up a few bat houses (yes, bat houses) a few weeks before removal so the bats have a place to go
You have to make an exit only escape hatch thingie that allows bats out but not in and leave it there for several weeks before making something permanent
You have to check for poop damage in their nesting site

ummm...yeah, like all of that is going to happen.

I think I will sit on the front porch for a while.

~~The baby.

Speaking of poop, my friend just had a baby. I didn't go to her baby shower because I was busy. I am always too busy for baby showers by the way. Always. But I still want to get the little pooper something.

They opened up a new Mega Target here in Morgan Hill, and I head over there at lunch to find some kind of little baby present offering.

This Target is HUUUUGE. It looks like all other targets, just HUUUUGE. Big red bulleyes everywhere and red cement balls in the parking lot. And Starbucks, and Pizza Hut and a wine section that kept me distracted for a little bit.

I finally find the baby section and it is, I am not kidding, about 10 aisles. T-E-N. All baby, not children, not toddler, but babies. There were probably about 50 different baby pusher carts and a whole section devoted to nothing but bottle brushes. A whole section on something I didn't know you needed.

I thought you just got a few shoes, blankies, diapers, shaky toys and those cute little one piece pajama outfits and called it a baby. I was paralyzed by the all the options in front of me.

So I headed back over to the wine. We were out of red anyway.